In search of virtue, I decided that I’d do my best to live like I had never done before. I began a fast about two weeks ago so that I could possibly change my life, it’s tough but I know it is worth it. You see, Summer '12 I decided that I wanted to live the “college life” The life in which I would spend more money on alcohol than on food. The life in which I would occasionally smoke weed to free myself of emotional distress and cuddle with lame guys simply because I wanted to fill the void of having someone. I was a wreck, a total and complete mess and I’m determined to make this summer a much better one. Who searches for love in the arms of lost men? Who searches for comfort at the bottom of a bottle? Who wants to be free from themselves?
Under Construction
People who don’t love themselves
For days I couldn’t wrap my fingers around the
thought, that I didn’t love myself enough. I wasn’t depressed or going through
anything at all. But, what I was doing was seeking other people’s approval. I
was waiting desperately for people to compliment my newest creation or admire
me. Subconsciously I was seeking
approval from people who didn’t really matter. I was trying to please everyone
but God. And I realized that God let me
step out of His Will to teach me so much and here I am now just begging to be
covered in His grace and mercy.
Living in sin was fun but no matter
how much fun I was having, I always felt like I was missing something. And that something was always God. Don’t get me wrong it wasn’t as if I wasn’t
saved but I had taken a vacation from Christ and decided that I was going to do
things my own way. So, I put on my skimpy clothes, popped bottles and did my dances
to catch the attention of men and when I got it I basked in their admiration. I
was such a tease, men would gravitate to my erotic dance moves and once they
were captivated by me, they waited for me to put out. And ummm.. well I’m a 22
year old virgin. No matter how drunk,
high, or whose bed I cuddled in.. I wouldn’t give in. Abstaining takes a lot of self-discipline and
determination but I know that without God, I’m not always strong enough to say “no”
on my own.
So this summer the fast began with
:
No:
Cuddling
Drinking
Smoking
Sweets
Fast Food
Processed Food
This summer is about purifying my mind, body, and soul. I want to be a better woman for God. I want to live the life Christ died for me to have. I am not worthy of God's grace and mercy ,but the least I can do is give to Him, what already belongs to Him.
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